Entry 40/365

Latin revidere, from re- "again" (see re-) + videre "to see" (from PIE root *weid- "to see").

I thought that getting to the stage I am in life, and all the progress I have made thus far I would be immune to the effect of others' opinions. My son's review for this term is out and according to his teacher, he is worth 3x "Very Good" and 2x "Oustanding" marks. 

I, being the main person who took the responsibility for homework and academic performance, felt slightly disappointed. My husband thinks his performance was excellent, I don't think it was bad at all but that nagging devil sitting on my left shoulder keeps repeating "it could've been better." 

"It could've been better. "

Academic achievement is something so important to me. Academic achievement was for a long time the sole foundation upon which my self-worth rested. My son at the age of seven is quite blasé about it. 

I should act more maturely, and don't feel this way. I should but at this very moment, I just can't. I wonder if he will have the same attitude he has now in the future, I wonder if I will become one of these mums that are always carrying her heart in her hands, not always sure if her children will do well, or be well without her around. 

This thought terrifies me more than anything. 

For tonight I will have to process what I am feeling and I need to rest too. 

Good night.

Giselle C.